Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I suppose you have seen "Prop 8: The Musical," yeah? Back in November, I bitched and moaned enough about Prop 8 passing that a few of my friends saw fit to send me the link for that clip.
DO NOT GET ME WRONG: I like that they made that sketch because their hearts are in the right place and they point out some very true, important things. BUT they also did it with some shit I am so sick of it made me want to scream:
The tired "flaming gay guy in tiny gym shorts" stereotype...
The "what if a community theater group made it into A MUSICAL???" construct...
And the idea that John C. Reilly is even remotely funny. (Will somebody PLEASE make that man go back to drama? Jeez Louise.)
Anyway, it felt kind of safe to me. And, well, it didn't make me laugh. So I immediately re-watched the Paul F. Tompkins clip below. It's a spot-on take on gay marriage and the absurdity of religion from the hands-down Funniest Person Alive.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The mysterious, shadowy figure with the headphones means it's time to geek out with a really cool example of "perceptual insight."
Here's what you're gonna do: Listen to the first audio clip. Then listen to the second one. Then listen to the first one again...
Friday, November 7, 2008
Please join me and those purveyors of love and tolerance, the Mormons and the Catholic Church, in supporting California's latest ballot initiative: Proposition 2.8.
In the November 4th election, Californians flocked to the polls and voted YES on Props 2 and 8, granting rights to chickens and taking them away from human beings respectively.
After that happened we realized we had made a small mistake. Because it was improperly worded, Prop 2 also awarded rights to GAY chickens. Whoops!
Proposition 2.8 will eliminate the mobility rights that were accidentally granted to homosexual chickens. We must strip away their newfound partial freedom before these gay birds get too comfortable and break down the very fabric of chicken society.
Californians: It's time to restore traditional chicken marriage!
VOTE YES ON PROP 2.8!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Anyway, with the exception of Prop 8 (more on that soon), yesterday was too amazing a day not to re-live it a little...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
This Week In Hell...
UPDATE! This Week In Hell is now also on Funny Or Die.
Vote with your heart...
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up." - Frederick (Max Von Sydow), Hannah and Her Sisters
There are a bunch of important initiatives on the California ballot this November, but today I am going to post about one in particular: Prop 8.
I'm paraphrasing here, but what Prop 8 basically says is: "Oh, you're gay? Fuck you."
OK, that's not exactly true. What it says is that gay couples, who were given the right to get married back in May of this year, would NO LONGER have that right. (A brief aside: how absurd is it that we had to vote on whether to give them a right that they should JUST FUCKING HAVE in the first place??? Don't think about it too hard or you will wake the dead with your screams.)
Those in FAVOR of Prop 8 include no less a piece of garbage than this lying, worthless idiot...
If for some reason seeing Newt Gingrich lending his support doesn't make you think "I will do the opposite of what he says!", here is a list of just some of the groups who OPPOSE Prop 8 (courtesy of NoOnProp8.com).
The proposition is also opposed by both Governor Schwarzenegger, who I LOVED in Twins (no, I'm serious... he opposes it AND I loved that movie), and the next President of the United States of America, Barack Obama. It is also opposed by every living Californian with a heart and supported by every shithead who ever flipped you off after he stole your parking space.
Allow me to sum up:
THIS NOVEMBER 4th, PLEASE VOTE NO ON PROP 8!!!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
And you thought all those old photos had that sepia-tone look because they were deteriorating with age. Nope! That's what their uniforms used to look like!
[Photo by John Galbraith and Mathew Brady]
Friday, September 5, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
A brothel in Nevada announced that customers who spend $300 or more would receive a $50 voucher for gasoline. The offer is yet another attempt to boost sales in the struggling prostitution industry, which has been hit hard by both rising gas prices and rapid advancements in pocket pussy technology.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
A flight was delayed today when passengers discovered three ticks on the plane. The embarrassing incident has lead United Airlines to cancel its "Deer Fly Free" program.
(Actually, passengers didn't discover the ticks. The flight crew found them when they searched a Bassett Hound who was believed to be howling verses from the Qur'an.)
PLEASE PASS THE IRONY
In other news, world leaders attending the G8 summit to solve the global food crisis were criticized after they enjoyed an 18 course gourmet meal at the event. Activists were particularly outraged at the dessert course: a hot fudge sundae served in the rib cage of a dead Nigerian baby.
And that's the news.
Here's a cat eating corn on the cob.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I tried to find my favorite George Carlin moment on YouTube ("GIVE ME A BALLOON!!!"), but had no luck. However, this clip is pretty great too, if a bit ironic. But something tells me he would appreciate that...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I have always wondered: Does the black bar across someone's eyes really hide their identity? For example, is it impossible to identify the perpetrator in the photo above? (He is charged, by the way, with having sexual relations outside of his species.)
The answer, is NO.
The story is as messed up as Rip Torn's hair. His mug shot was used in a TV commercial by Cincinnati City Councilman Chris Monzel to represent sexual predators.
In the ad, which talked about getting "sexual predators off the streets," they simply covered Torn's eyes with a black box. But OF COURSE someone recognized the photo. With the exception of Nick Nolte's (a.k.a. Greatest of All Time), that has to be the most reproduced celebrity mug shot of the past ten years. (OK, maybe Lindsay Lohan's is more popular... but still, Rip has had plenty of face time.)
I think it's time to retire the black bar, and move to the blurred photo. Then only the guys at Interpol will be able to say, "Hey! I know that guy!"
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Here are five cats that look like Wilford Brimley. Unfortunately, scientists have been unable to locate the genetic code that will create cats that look like Don Ameche and Hume Cronyn.
(They have, however, been making cats that look like Hitler for years.)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
I thought maybe my computer was broken (or possessed), but it seems that CNN headlines now actually feature a link that allows you to have that headline printed on a t-shirt.
No. I'm serious.
Personally, I have no intention of ordering a CNN headline t-shirt. Not until Andy Rooney dies anyway.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
But did you know he could (for lack of a better word) sing? Or that he was in love with a woman who was, by my estimation, 30 feet tall?
You do now...
Friday, February 29, 2008
Which French teacher invented a system of embossed type that allowed the sightless to read and write???
Which mythological Greek king had sexual relations with his own mother??? Also, he stabbed himself in the eyeballs.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I (finally) saw Cloverfield. And I loved it.
The entire film, in case you don't know, is shot on handheld camera. And it has been reported that the constant moving and shaking gave some viewers motion sickness. Personally, I did feel a little nauseous at first, but I felt fine as soon as I threw up.
OK, listen. If you have not seen the film, do not read any further. I'm about to get all sorts of spoily.
Ready for the spoilers? Let's go....
Some friends were discussing the film in front of me a few weeks ago and, like the whiny film-bitch that I am, I started going, "Bah! Bah! Bah! I haven't seen it yet! Don't blow it for me!"
They did not blow it for me. But what Friend 1 did say (to Friend 2) was, "Did you hear about the thing? That you can see..." At this point, Friend 1 mouthed something inaudible. Friend 2 said, "Yes. I missed that. I totally want to go see it again just to see that."
I was armed with this information as I saw the film. That is to say, throughout the experience, and particularly at the very end, my eyes were PEELED to catch anything that might come my way.
So, if you have seen the movie, you know what I am talking about, and you are wondering, "Is it true?" Yes, it is. In the final scene, when you see Rob and Beth on the ferris wheel at Coney Island, just before it cuts to them, you see something splash into the ocean, way off in the distance. It is very, very small and faint. So much so, that when I got home I immediately got online to confirm that what I saw (the tiny, distant splash) was what people were talking about.
Turns out a lot of people are talking. And, quite helpfully, some of them offer proof. Like this guy on YouTube (thanks, dude)...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Well, it reminded me of another isolated vocal track I once heard. It was by that chubby dude from Smash Mouth. (What's his name?)
Anyway, I combined the two to make the Best Song Ever (not to mention the Best Video Ever). Check it out...