WWPFTD?

I suppose you have seen "Prop 8: The Musical," yeah? Back in November, I bitched and moaned enough about Prop 8 passing that a few of my friends saw fit to send me the link for that clip.

Meh.

DO NOT GET ME WRONG: I like that they made that sketch because their hearts are in the right place and they point out some very true, important things. BUT they also did it with some shit I am so sick of it made me want to scream:

The tired "flaming gay guy in tiny gym shorts" stereotype...

The "what if a community theater group made it into A MUSICAL???" construct...

And the idea that John C. Reilly is even remotely funny. (Will somebody PLEASE make that man go back to drama? Jeez Louise.)

Anyway, it felt kind of safe to me. And, well, it didn't make me laugh. So I immediately re-watched the Paul F. Tompkins clip below. It's a spot-on take on gay marriage and the absurdity of religion from the hands-down Funniest Person Alive.

Enjoy...

Nerd Time!

The mysterious, shadowy figure with the headphones means it's time to geek out with a really cool example of "perceptual insight."

Here's what you're gonna do: Listen to the first audio clip. Then listen to the second one. Then listen to the first one again...

Ready? Listen!

Cool, yeah?

VOTE YES ON PROP 2.8!!!

Please join me and those purveyors of love and tolerance, the Mormons and the Catholic Church, in supporting California's latest ballot initiative: Proposition 2.8.

In the November 4th election, Californians flocked to the polls and voted YES on Props 2 and 8, granting rights to chickens and taking them away from human beings respectively.

After that happened we realized we had made a small mistake. Because it was improperly worded, Prop 2 also awarded rights to GAY chickens. Whoops!

Proposition 2.8 will eliminate the mobility rights that were accidentally granted to homosexual chickens. We must strip away their newfound partial freedom before these gay birds get too comfortable and break down the very fabric of chicken society.

Californians: It's time to restore traditional chicken marriage!

VOTE YES ON PROP 2.8!!!

President Obama

I know it's technically president-elect, but saying "elect" just reminds me that Bush still has a couple of months to be terrible at his job.

Anyway, with the exception of Prop 8 (more on that soon), yesterday was too amazing a day not to re-live it a little...

Fascinating Worker Survey

Here's a fascinating item from Yahoo! News:

According to an internet survey, two thirds of American workers lie on internet surveys.

This Week In Hell

Here's a little crudely-animated short I made about a weekly talk show hosted by Satan and his evil minion Tony.

This Week In Hell...



UPDATE! This Week In Hell is now also on Funny Or Die.
Vote with your heart...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Viva Trumka!

FUCK YEAH!...

VOTE NO ON PROP 8!

"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up." - Frederick (Max Von Sydow), Hannah and Her Sisters

There are a bunch of important initiatives on the California ballot this November, but today I am going to post about one in particular: Prop 8.

I'm paraphrasing here, but what Prop 8 basically says is: "Oh, you're gay? Fuck you."

OK, that's not exactly true. What it says is that gay couples, who were given the right to get married back in May of this year, would NO LONGER have that right. (A brief aside: how absurd is it that we had to vote on whether to give them a right that they should JUST FUCKING HAVE in the first place??? Don't think about it too hard or you will wake the dead with your screams.)

Those in FAVOR of Prop 8 include no less a piece of garbage than this lying, worthless idiot...



If for some reason seeing Newt Gingrich lending his support doesn't make you think "I will do the opposite of what he says!", here is a list of just some of the groups who OPPOSE Prop 8 (courtesy of NoOnProp8.com).

The proposition is also opposed by both Governor Schwarzenegger, who I LOVED in Twins (no, I'm serious... he opposes it AND I loved that movie), and the next President of the United States of America, Barack Obama. It is also opposed by every living Californian with a heart and supported by every shithead who ever flipped you off after he stole your parking space.

Allow me to sum up:
THIS NOVEMBER 4th, PLEASE VOTE NO ON PROP 8!!!

Bronx Cheer!

Yankee Stadium burned down today (or closed... or something) and they dragged out a bunch of undead Yankees to celebrate its demise.

And you thought all those old photos had that sepia-tone look because they were deteriorating with age. Nope! That's what their uniforms used to look like!

Apparently...

[Photo by John Galbraith and Mathew Brady]

Who's a Good Boy?

This guy...

Olive Garden Arrives!

I would like to congratulate Sioux City, Iowa on becoming a "real city."

And to all the nay-sayers who think Sioux City is still one Applebees shy of legitimacy: NO BREADSTICKS FOR YOU!

Headline!

THEY ALSO CHECK YOUR FLUIDS...

A brothel in Nevada announced that customers who spend $300 or more would receive a $50 voucher for gasoline. The offer is yet another attempt to boost sales in the struggling prostitution industry, which has been hit hard by both rising gas prices and rapid advancements in pocket pussy technology.

Headlines!

AND YOU THOUGHT THE IN-FLIGHT MOVIE SUCKED

A flight was delayed today when passengers discovered three ticks on the plane. The embarrassing incident has lead United Airlines to cancel its "Deer Fly Free" program.

(Actually, passengers didn't discover the ticks. The flight crew found them when they searched a Bassett Hound who was believed to be howling verses from the Qur'an.)

PLEASE PASS THE IRONY

In other news, world leaders attending the G8 summit to solve the global food crisis were criticized after they enjoyed an 18 course gourmet meal at the event. Activists were particularly outraged at the dessert course: a hot fudge sundae served in the rib cage of a dead Nigerian baby.

And that's the news.

Here's a cat eating corn on the cob.

George Carlin - R.I.P.

He was one of my childhood heroes -- mainly because he was among the comics my dad found funny enough to warrant waking me and my brother up at midnight to watch them perform on the Tonight Show.

I tried to find my favorite George Carlin moment on YouTube ("GIVE ME A BALLOON!!!"), but had no luck. However, this clip is pretty great too, if a bit ironic. But something tells me he would appreciate that...

Torn from the Headlines

I have always wondered: Does the black bar across someone's eyes really hide their identity? For example, is it impossible to identify the perpetrator in the photo above? (He is charged, by the way, with having sexual relations outside of his species.)

The answer, is NO.

The story is as messed up as Rip Torn's hair. His mug shot was used in a TV commercial by Cincinnati City Councilman Chris Monzel to represent sexual predators.

In the ad, which talked about getting "sexual predators off the streets," they simply covered Torn's eyes with a black box. But OF COURSE someone recognized the photo. With the exception of Nick Nolte's (a.k.a. Greatest of All Time), that has to be the most reproduced celebrity mug shot of the past ten years. (OK, maybe Lindsay Lohan's is more popular... but still, Rip has had plenty of face time.)

I think it's time to retire the black bar, and move to the blurred photo. Then only the guys at Interpol will be able to say, "Hey! I know that guy!"

Sweet Child O' Whose?

Will somebody please tell Axl Rose to stop getting plastic surgery???

Oh, wait.

New Roger Sealy!

Roger Sealy is testing the waters (so to speak) of video blogging with a new post about sharks.

Treadmill Kittens

This may be the best video ever posted on YouTube...



And in case you are wondering, the answer is: No, I am NOT above adding the extremely obvious soundtrack...

These Cats Also Mispronounce "Diabetes"

Here are five cats that look like Wilford Brimley. Unfortunately, scientists have been unable to locate the genetic code that will create cats that look like Don Ameche and Hume Cronyn.

(They have, however, been making cats that look like Hitler for years.)

The Dark Knight

Just came across this trailer for the upcoming Batman movie. It looks pretty good...

"He's a Mis-Leading Man."

Salvador Dali on the 1950's game show What's My Line?...

WTF, CNN

I thought maybe my computer was broken (or possessed), but it seems that CNN headlines now actually feature a link that allows you to have that headline printed on a t-shirt.

No. I'm serious.

Personally, I have no intention of ordering a CNN headline t-shirt. Not until Andy Rooney dies anyway.

Wolf Orders Sushi

But Can He Ride a Unicycle?

Sad news: Just as we are in the fields of game show creativity and Stevie Wonder song-playing robots, the U.S. is lagging behind Japan once again. This time, they have shamed us with their vastly superior adorable Kung Fu bear technology.

Meet Claude...

This is an Info Minute

Charles Lindbergh

Monster Attacks City

Chickens and Goats

Wow.

You knew Telly Savalas portrayed the tough-as-nails TV detective Kojak.

But did you know he could (for lack of a better word) sing? Or that he was in love with a woman who was, by my estimation, 30 feet tall?

You do now...

Blind Items

Which multi-talented, Grammy award-winning musician recorded Songs in the Key of Life despite being completely unable to see???

Which French teacher invented a system of embossed type that allowed the sightless to read and write???

Which mythological Greek king had sexual relations with his own mother??? Also, he stabbed himself in the eyeballs.

Cloverfield

I (finally) saw Cloverfield. And I loved it.

The entire film, in case you don't know, is shot on handheld camera. And it has been reported that the constant moving and shaking gave some viewers motion sickness. Personally, I did feel a little nauseous at first, but I felt fine as soon as I threw up.

OK, listen. If you have not seen the film, do not read any further. I'm about to get all sorts of spoily.

Ready for the spoilers? Let's go....

Some friends were discussing the film in front of me a few weeks ago and, like the whiny film-bitch that I am, I started going, "Bah! Bah! Bah! I haven't seen it yet! Don't blow it for me!"

They did not blow it for me. But what Friend 1 did say (to Friend 2) was, "Did you hear about the thing? That you can see..." At this point, Friend 1 mouthed something inaudible. Friend 2 said, "Yes. I missed that. I totally want to go see it again just to see that."

I was armed with this information as I saw the film. That is to say, throughout the experience, and particularly at the very end, my eyes were PEELED to catch anything that might come my way.

Splash!

So, if you have seen the movie, you know what I am talking about, and you are wondering, "Is it true?" Yes, it is. In the final scene, when you see Rob and Beth on the ferris wheel at Coney Island, just before it cuts to them, you see something splash into the ocean, way off in the distance. It is very, very small and faint. So much so, that when I got home I immediately got online to confirm that what I saw (the tiny, distant splash) was what people were talking about.

Turns out a lot of people are talking. And, quite helpfully, some of them offer proof. Like this guy on YouTube (thanks, dude)...

Daves Like These

You've heard that (AWESOME) David Lee Roth isolated vocal track that has been floating around, yes?

Well, it reminded me of another isolated vocal track I once heard. It was by that chubby dude from Smash Mouth. (What's his name?)

Anyway, I combined the two to make the Best Song Ever (not to mention the Best Video Ever). Check it out...

Shark Consoles Wolf