Here are five cats that look like Wilford Brimley. Unfortunately, scientists have been unable to locate the genetic code that will create cats that look like Don Ameche and Hume Cronyn.
(They have, however, been making cats that look like Hitler for years.)
I thought maybe my computer was broken (or possessed), but it seems that CNN headlines now actually feature a link that allows you to have that headline printed on a t-shirt.
Sad news: Just as we are in the fields of game show creativity and Stevie Wonder song-playing robots, the U.S. is lagging behind Japan once again. This time, they have shamed us with their vastly superior adorable Kung Fu bear technology.
The entire film, in case you don't know, is shot on handheld camera. And it has been reported that the constant moving and shaking gave some viewers motion sickness. Personally, I did feel a little nauseous at first, but I felt fine as soon as I threw up.
OK, listen. If you have not seen the film, do not read any further. I'm about to get all sorts of spoily.
Ready for the spoilers? Let's go....
Some friends were discussing the film in front of me a few weeks ago and, like the whiny film-bitch that I am, I started going, "Bah! Bah! Bah! I haven't seen it yet! Don't blow it for me!"
They did not blow it for me. But what Friend 1 did say (to Friend 2) was, "Did you hear about the thing? That you can see..." At this point, Friend 1 mouthed something inaudible. Friend 2 said, "Yes. I missed that. I totally want to go see it again just to see that."
I was armed with this information as I saw the film. That is to say, throughout the experience, and particularly at the very end, my eyes were PEELED to catch anything that might come my way.
Splash!
So, if you have seen the movie, you know what I am talking about, and you are wondering, "Is it true?" Yes, it is. In the final scene, when you see Rob and Beth on the ferris wheel at Coney Island, just before it cuts to them, you see something splash into the ocean, way off in the distance. It is very, very small and faint. So much so, that when I got home I immediately got online to confirm that what I saw (the tiny, distant splash) was what people were talking about.
Turns out a lot of people are talking. And, quite helpfully, some of them offer proof. Like this guy on YouTube (thanks, dude)...
That's right. It's Academy Award winning actor Martin Landau. A brilliant actor with an amazing and impressive career in films and television.
And this...
...is Graydon Carter. He is the editor of Vanity Fair. Tell me, does he look like a douchebag?
Just kidding. Of course he does.
And he is. I have proof.
Recently, Mr. Carter was a guest programmer on Turner Classic Movies. One of his selections was one of my favorite films of all time: Hitchcock's classic North By Northwest.
Before the film began, Carter sat down with TCM host Robert Osbourne to discuss it. Eventually, Martin Landau came up. (If you haven't seen the movie, Landau plays a creepy, villainous crony of the antagonist James Mason.)
Carter used this opportunity to relate the following story about Martin Landau showing up at the Vanity Fair Oscar party in 1993. (NOTE: It's a little quiet. You may need your headphones.)
Again, this was one year before Landau won an Oscar for his role in Ed Wood - that is, it was 1993. Carter says that Sarah Marks (whoever the fuck that is) says, "Most people haven't seen him in anything in years." Well, Landau had been nominated for his (INCREDIBLE) performance in Crime and Misdemeanors just FOUR YEARS EARLIER in 1989.
I stand uncorrected. The guy's a douche. (You too, Sarah Marks.)
Yesterday, I saw a man who was at least 92 years old wearing the tiniest pair of jean shorts that I have ever seen on a human being. Male or female. He had long, skinny legs that were the color of boiled chicken.
I want to unsee it so badly.
Nausea aside, I don’t blame him. The man is obviously insane. Clearly, he didn’t put on a pair of shorts that were intended for a teenage girl and think, “People are going to say I am too old for these. But you know what? Let them say what they will. I think they are comfortable and stylish. I’m wearing them!”
No. He is missing the part of the normal old man brain that sees a pair of denim hot pants and says, “No fucking way.”
I blame the person at the store where he bought the shorts. Upon seeing an elderly man at the register attempting to purchase a pair of Daisy Dukes, this heartless bastard decided to make the sale. I don’t care if you work on commission, there is no excuse for that kind of societal indifference.
There are thousands of Mike Henry's out there, but what are the odds that two of us would be so much alike ...AND have the same nickname???
I hope the other Mikeycat consumed lots of sushi in China (it is what China's famous for after all). I also hope he encountered lots of Chinese people every day. But I hope he didn't accept a Coke from any of them. They probably peed in it... as is my understanding.
