This...

...needs to be about 400 minutes longer:

Still Gives Me Chills

Web Soup!

To all of those who insist that G4's BRILLIANT new comedy masterwork Web Soup uses a laugh track, I present evidence to the contrary. Behold! Web Soup's live studio audience:



Sorry, just being hilarious. That photo is simply one of the many goofy and/or beautiful shots in Web Soup MVP Jonah Ray's behind-the-scenes photo essay "A Bowl of Web Soup!"

Bea Arthur - R.I.P.

One of my all time favorites has passed away. Bea Arthur was pretty much always hilarious (yes, even in that otherwise horrendous Star Wars holiday special), but here she is breaking hearts in a classic Golden Girls move: busting out an old school chestnut -- in this case, "What'll I Do"...

eGuiders [heart] Info Minutes

The beautiful people at eGuiders are currently featuring my Info Minutes on their site. Here's what they had to say:

"If you want to get caught up on American History but don't have much time or patience for facts this is your series. Each one minute "documentary" will make you exactly one minute less enlightened and one minute more entertained. If you like your comedy on the dry side, this is the smart series for you."

Check it out!

Flop Stars

This weekend, the Jonas Brothers' new 3D concert movie finished in a disappointing second place at the box office. A spokesman for the teen sensations said, "Really? Second place is disappointing? Try being a spokesman for the Jonas Brothers."

The film at number one was Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail. And, oddly enough, this isn't the first time wildly successful pop stars have lost out to black men in drag. Back in 1964, The Beatles' A Hard Day's Night was kept out of the top spot by Chocolate Tranny Cell Block Beat Down.

In other entertainment news, VH1 announced it has begun production on their upcoming reality show Hey, Remember the Jonas Brothers???

Frank & Dave's Oscar Picks

Vote for FRANK & DAVE'S OSCAR PICKS on Funny Or Die!

WWPFTD?

I suppose you have seen "Prop 8: The Musical," yeah? Back in November, I bitched and moaned enough about Prop 8 passing that a few of my friends saw fit to send me the link for that clip.

Meh.

DO NOT GET ME WRONG: I like that they made that sketch because their hearts are in the right place and they point out some very true, important things. BUT they also did it with some shit I am so sick of it made me want to scream:

The tired "flaming gay guy in tiny gym shorts" stereotype...

The "what if a community theater group made it into A MUSICAL???" construct...

And the idea that John C. Reilly is even remotely funny. (Will somebody PLEASE make that man go back to drama? Jeez Louise.)

Anyway, it felt kind of safe to me. And, well, it didn't make me laugh. So I immediately re-watched the Paul F. Tompkins clip below. It's a spot-on take on gay marriage and the absurdity of religion from the hands-down Funniest Person Alive.

Enjoy...

Nerd Time!

The mysterious, shadowy figure with the headphones means it's time to geek out with a really cool example of "perceptual insight."

Here's what you're gonna do: Listen to the first audio clip. Then listen to the second one. Then listen to the first one again...

Ready? Listen!

Cool, yeah?

VOTE YES ON PROP 2.8!!!

Please join me and those purveyors of love and tolerance, the Mormons and the Catholic Church, in supporting California's latest ballot initiative: Proposition 2.8.

In the November 4th election, Californians flocked to the polls and voted YES on Props 2 and 8, granting rights to chickens and taking them away from human beings respectively.

After that happened we realized we had made a small mistake. Because it was improperly worded, Prop 2 also awarded rights to GAY chickens. Whoops!

Proposition 2.8 will eliminate the mobility rights that were accidentally granted to homosexual chickens. We must strip away their newfound partial freedom before these gay birds get too comfortable and break down the very fabric of chicken society.

Californians: It's time to restore traditional chicken marriage!

VOTE YES ON PROP 2.8!!!

President Obama

I know it's technically president-elect, but saying "elect" just reminds me that Bush still has a couple of months to be terrible at his job.

Anyway, with the exception of Prop 8 (more on that soon), yesterday was too amazing a day not to re-live it a little...

Fascinating Worker Survey

Here's a fascinating item from Yahoo! News:

According to an internet survey, two thirds of American workers lie on internet surveys.

This Week In Hell

Here's a little crudely-animated short I made about a weekly talk show hosted by Satan and his evil minion Tony.

This Week In Hell...



UPDATE! This Week In Hell is now also on Funny Or Die.
Vote with your heart...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Viva Trumka!

FUCK YEAH!...

VOTE NO ON PROP 8!

"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up." - Frederick (Max Von Sydow), Hannah and Her Sisters

There are a bunch of important initiatives on the California ballot this November, but today I am going to post about one in particular: Prop 8.

I'm paraphrasing here, but what Prop 8 basically says is: "Oh, you're gay? Fuck you."

OK, that's not exactly true. What it says is that gay couples, who were given the right to get married back in May of this year, would NO LONGER have that right. (A brief aside: how absurd is it that we had to vote on whether to give them a right that they should JUST FUCKING HAVE in the first place??? Don't think about it too hard or you will wake the dead with your screams.)

Those in FAVOR of Prop 8 include no less a piece of garbage than this lying, worthless idiot...



If for some reason seeing Newt Gingrich lending his support doesn't make you think "I will do the opposite of what he says!", here is a list of just some of the groups who OPPOSE Prop 8 (courtesy of NoOnProp8.com).

The proposition is also opposed by both Governor Schwarzenegger, who I LOVED in Twins (no, I'm serious... he opposes it AND I loved that movie), and the next President of the United States of America, Barack Obama. It is also opposed by every living Californian with a heart and supported by every shithead who ever flipped you off after he stole your parking space.

Allow me to sum up:
THIS NOVEMBER 4th, PLEASE VOTE NO ON PROP 8!!!

Bronx Cheer!

Yankee Stadium burned down today (or closed... or something) and they dragged out a bunch of undead Yankees to celebrate its demise.

And you thought all those old photos had that sepia-tone look because they were deteriorating with age. Nope! That's what their uniforms used to look like!

Apparently...

[Photo by John Galbraith and Mathew Brady]

Who's a Good Boy?

This guy...

Olive Garden Arrives!

I would like to congratulate Sioux City, Iowa on becoming a "real city."

And to all the nay-sayers who think Sioux City is still one Applebees shy of legitimacy: NO BREADSTICKS FOR YOU!

Headline!

THEY ALSO CHECK YOUR FLUIDS...

A brothel in Nevada announced that customers who spend $300 or more would receive a $50 voucher for gasoline. The offer is yet another attempt to boost sales in the struggling prostitution industry, which has been hit hard by both rising gas prices and rapid advancements in pocket pussy technology.

Headlines!

AND YOU THOUGHT THE IN-FLIGHT MOVIE SUCKED

A flight was delayed today when passengers discovered three ticks on the plane. The embarrassing incident has lead United Airlines to cancel its "Deer Fly Free" program.

(Actually, passengers didn't discover the ticks. The flight crew found them when they searched a Bassett Hound who was believed to be howling verses from the Qur'an.)

PLEASE PASS THE IRONY

In other news, world leaders attending the G8 summit to solve the global food crisis were criticized after they enjoyed an 18 course gourmet meal at the event. Activists were particularly outraged at the dessert course: a hot fudge sundae served in the rib cage of a dead Nigerian baby.

And that's the news.

Here's a cat eating corn on the cob.

George Carlin - R.I.P.

He was one of my childhood heroes -- mainly because he was among the comics my dad found funny enough to warrant waking me and my brother up at midnight to watch them perform on the Tonight Show.

I tried to find my favorite George Carlin moment on YouTube ("GIVE ME A BALLOON!!!"), but had no luck. However, this clip is pretty great too, if a bit ironic. But something tells me he would appreciate that...

Torn from the Headlines

I have always wondered: Does the black bar across someone's eyes really hide their identity? For example, is it impossible to identify the perpetrator in the photo above? (He is charged, by the way, with having sexual relations outside of his species.)

The answer, is NO.

The story is as messed up as Rip Torn's hair. His mug shot was used in a TV commercial by Cincinnati City Councilman Chris Monzel to represent sexual predators.

In the ad, which talked about getting "sexual predators off the streets," they simply covered Torn's eyes with a black box. But OF COURSE someone recognized the photo. With the exception of Nick Nolte's (a.k.a. Greatest of All Time), that has to be the most reproduced celebrity mug shot of the past ten years. (OK, maybe Lindsay Lohan's is more popular... but still, Rip has had plenty of face time.)

I think it's time to retire the black bar, and move to the blurred photo. Then only the guys at Interpol will be able to say, "Hey! I know that guy!"

Sweet Child O' Whose?

Will somebody please tell Axl Rose to stop getting plastic surgery???

Oh, wait.

New Roger Sealy!

Roger Sealy is testing the waters (so to speak) of video blogging with a new post about sharks.

Treadmill Kittens

This may be the best video ever posted on YouTube...



And in case you are wondering, the answer is: No, I am NOT above adding the extremely obvious soundtrack...